Crabby Q&A

1. I planted 100 daffodil bulbs two years ago. The first spring, they were glorious. This past spring, they popped up, but didn't bloom. What's up with that?

2. Now that Kalan has won Canadian Idol, does this mean that the innocent angelic look will be in style, rather than what seems to be the current gungey gunge gunger look?

3. Does anybody know how high a media riser should be?

4. Did you know that this will be our last weekend of summer? Any plans?

5. I was watching Molto Mario on the food network at 5:00 a.m. this morning, and I'd like to know what's up with his silly yellow shoes. Anybody?

6. Why did I just eat that cookie? Damn.

7. Did you know it's bonus time at Clinique?

8. My cat is a chronic puker. What should I do?

9. In the next few days I'll be meeting K.en Dr.yden and Da.vi.d Su.zu.ki. Mr. Crabby said, "invite them to dinner." Do you think I have a hope?

10. I have a new case and clip for my cell phone, so I can wear it around next week (none of my suits have pockets). Is this going to drive me crazy, or will it not bother me at all?

Why I am in love with Mr. Crabby
Warning to the hard-hearted: post contains mushy gooey stuff

He always makes me laugh
He is a very good car-parker
He's a kid at heart
He spoils me
He helps and encourages me
He knows what he wants and doesn't want
He is romantic
He loves music
His views on life and love and food are the same as mine
He is very social, whereas I am anti-social

Everything that is good in my life today is because of him. Any of the good stuff that can be attributed to me is only because he encouraged me to believe in myself. I had been in love before, but Mr. Crabby was the first to offer me genuine, respectful, unconditional love. This defies language.

I had a horrible day yesterday. "I'm going home to have a stiff drink and a good cry," I told my assistant. Waiting for me at home was a steak dinner and a bottle of wine, already on the table, and a rented movie waiting upstairs. And you know what else? The kitchen was spotless.

Mr. Crabby, sweet boy, thank you for taking it all away. Thank you for giving me so much.

Insurance companies make me Crabby
I pay premiums (premia?) to two insurance companies: one to insure our car, and another to provide me with health benefits through my employer. Both policies are mandatory (i.e., the government forces me to insure our car, and my employer's plan is not optional). Both insurance companies have told me that I am not eligible for coverage since being injured in a car accident last month.

The car insurance shits have said, "you must use your work benefits first." The employer health insurance shits have said, "you are not eligible for coverage for treatment resulting from an mva." Peckers.

I am out of pocket a few hundred dollars, I am still in pain, and I am very Crabby.

Knapsacks make me Crabbby
At this time every year I am reminded of my hatred for knapsacks. Specifically, I hate the big fat ultra-extended knapsacks that are attached to students on the subway or streetcar. More specifically, the knapsacks that hit me in the face every time said student moves. Why does a kid need such a huge knapsack for one day at school? If they were camping, or hiking cross-country, I'd understand.

And one more thing...
I'm not a very good sleeper; most nights I sleep for about five hours. Last night, however, I got lucky. Er, I mean, I slept for more than seven hours!! The bad news is that I woke up at 5:00 a.m. and had to go to the bathroom. I knew it was game over - that I'd never go back to sleep whether I visited the loo or not. So I got up, made a pot of coffee, and cleaned out the refridgerator. I feel so cheated!