Friday, October 10, 2003

Be Thankful - It's the Friday Five!

1) What is your most favourite appetizer of all time? Feel free to submit recipes...
My favourite appetizer of all time has a very loyal fan base, but it has no name. I call them Chummies. Take a can (or four) of whole waterchestnuts, and soak them in a jar or three of VH or President's Choice dry garlic rib sauce, at least overnight. Two days is better. Drain, and wrap each waterchestnut in one third of a slice of bacon. Secure with toothpick. Open kitchen windows. Bake at 400 for about 20 minutes - watch carefully, though, they go from almost done to incendiary in seconds.

2) Thanksgiving Turkey - is it finally outré, or do you insist on serving it?
Turkey bores me. My sister and I prefer to do glazed hams, bone-in when we host Thanksgiving. This year I've asked my mom to do a leg of lamb, or a poached salmon. The only good thing about turkey is getting the bones afterwards and making soup.

3) How will you be spending Thanksgiving this year?
I'm going to my parents' home down in wine country, along with my two other siblings, their spouses, and their children. Mr. Crabby has to work all weekend, but I'll bring him home a pile of special treats in a care package.

4) For what are you most thankful?
This year I am thankful for employment, for health, for Mr. Crabby, and for the gifts of good friends and neighbours.

5) If you win tonight's 30 million dollar draw, will your weekend plans change?
Well d'uh. Mr. Crabby won't be working, that's for sure. We'll still enjoy Thanksgiving, but the wine selection might get bumped up a notch.

And for some Friday Fun, What's Your Japanese Name? Just call me Maki.

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Actual sentence spoken to me today:

"There was such a cock up in the tube this morning. I just sat there and sat there eating a piece of spotted dick."

The Dim Sum Song

It’s lunchtime, it’s Yum-Cha, I’m ready for dim sum,
Stainless steel tea pots and steaming tik-guan-yum,
White plastic tablecloths, green tea to drink,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Har gau and sui mai and pot sticker dumplings,
Noodles and pork buns and never good parking,
Lotus leaf rice parcels tied up with string,
These are a few of my favourite things.

When the tea’s poured,
When guy lan comes,
When it spills on Peter’s shirt,
I love to eat all of my favourite things,
And man, will my tummy hurt!

What to do: start commuting in sneakers, or at least something other than (mismatched) pumps. I had to walk the last two kilometres home last night due to fire trucks blocking the streetcar tracks in little India. A perfect end to a shitty, shitty day.

What NOT to do: call out "hey I kissed him" after seeing some guy I used to "know" on TV. Thankfully, Mr. Crabby was asleep on the couch.

What to do: nominate Bernadette Navarro, Barrie's Show Me Da Money Bride, to be a Chicken Canon Target. My ammo of choice was Diet Coke, Bank of Montreal deposit slips, and paint from Home Depot... all apt corporate sponsors for her, uh, special, special day.

What NOT to do: tell the truth about how much I drink at my upcoming pre-op appointment.

What to do: attend An Aboriginal Thanksgiving - It sounds tres cool.

What NOT to do: Spank your kids, according to the UN.

What to do: It's World Sight Day. Go here.

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

This Just In

Instead of a grilled cheese sandwhich and fries for lunch, I had a salad. Happy now?

I am halfway through today's to-do list. In typical Crab-Fashion, I left the miserable things for last.

Momma Said There'd Be Days Like This...
Do you ever have one of those days when everything goes wrong? I know you do. I'm having two of them. Here's the scoop:

Yesterday, I noticed that my skirt was inside-out, while I was sitting in xyz specialist's office to book xyz procedure. I commuted, and worked most of the day with an inside-out skirt. What the hell's the point of hiring a geezely assistant if she doesn't let you know when you're fregging skirt's inside out? Just wait for her review....

Yesterday, every e-mail, every phone call, every meeting was bad, bad, news. The mail house is out of envelopes. The other printers are charging me for a varnish I hadn't budgeted for. The prez changed his mind and wants me to do a separate run in French now, but I spent all my budget on the English run. The subway was slow and I was almost late for xyz specialist, which stressed me out and made me crabby.

Today, I'm wearing two different shoes. Yup. Both dark brown pumps, but different. I feel like a right eejit. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I woke up at four o'clock this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. And, the printers have lost my bulletins. Some stewpid bitch brought her cute (not) little (not) fresh-smelling (not) doggie on the streetcar during morning rush-hour, and the little shit did exactly that. Later today, I have to do math. Earlier this morning, I watched my 80-year-old neighbour drive into a street sign.

What else makes me crabby? This guy. What kind of sick pervert wants to read essays about his students' first sexual experiences? I cannot believe that he was only suspended for three days. Mr. Crabby read me the story over the weekend, and we both started shouting at each other, which is what we do when we agree about very bad things.

That guy's even worse than the slut in Barrie who's seeking corporate sponsorship for her wedding. Radmila already went there, so I won't, but someone needs to give this spoiled and soiled bride-to-be an etiquette lesson, a good spanking, and perhaps even a bible.