This Just In....
Candidate #6 burped. Nothing Barney-esque, but a burp nontheless. No "excuse me", or "sorry" or "pardonnez moi".
Lucky #7 is waiting at reception right this second. What's next? What could be worse than a burp? Will she ask me to pull her finger?

Seen and Heard
I need to hire an assistant. This week, I've interviewed five candidates so far. On paper, their qualifications impressed me. Here are some selected nuggets from their interviews - but make sure you're sitting down. These will take your breath away.

"I have no defined goals, career or otherwise."
"I don't like to be interfered with at work."
"My ideal work environment has low lighting, private spaces with piped-in music."
"My former employer was going to sue me for libel but they changed their minds."
"I've been accepted into graduate school so I'm only interested in working here for two months. Is that OK?"
"Thank you for the opportunity to come to this interview." (wait for it...) "May God Bless you Miss Lisa."

A few of the five candidates had interesting interpretations of "interview clothes". One wore a plaid flannel shirt with capri pants, and another had cross-trainers on her feet. Five down, two to go. So far, Church Lady is the front runner.

Sounds of Silence
What about missed opportunities? What band did you always want to see in concert... but never did? Maybe they never made it your way, or perhaps you were a starving student and just couldn't spare another arm and a leg.

For me, it's Elton John and REM. I never seem to know about Elton John concerts. I've missed two or three now. With REM, I decided to buy groceries instead of a ticket... but I did nick one of my sister's cassettes. Michael Stipe's voice still sends me.

Music to my ears
Icy's recent post reminds me of junior high - the days of first kisses, first "car" dates (i.e. not being driven by parents or taking the bus together), and first concerts. My first concert was either Styx's Mr. Roboto tour, or Duran Duran. The Payolas opened for Duran Duran, and at the time, "Eyes of a Stranger" was one of my favourite songs. The Styx concert was outdoors, at Ottawa's sorry version of the Ex, which was also called the Ex. Over the years I saw Billy Idol, Sherry Keene (one hit wonder), Katrina and the Waves, Brian Adams about four times, Gowan, the Spoons two or three times, Chalk Circle, Glass Tiger, among others whose names I can't remember.

My first "car" date involved going downtown together to see INXS.

What was your first concert? First "car" date?

It's Miller Time
Last night, Canine Vision Canada called us about another dog that "fits our profile" that is available for adoption. He's a one-year-old black lab named Miller. Some background: Three years ago, I put our names on a waiting list with Canine Vision Canada (CVC), a guide dog training school sponsored by the Lions Club in Oakville. Every so often, a guide dog in training is disqualified for any number of reasons which may include anything from poor health to not liking children or cars or people of colour, or general dumbness. I want one of these dogs - more than anything. Actually, in our application we specified that we would only accept a healthy dog, and one who wouldn't eat our cats. Dumb is OK. Hip displasia isn't.

Two advantages of adopting a disqualified guide dog are: the dog has received a year or two of specialized training that exceeds any other animal training in Canada, and CVC is a registered charity; money they earn from adopting out animals goes to the breeding, training, and upkeep of future guide dogs in training. Awwwww. Can't you just see them in their little vests and harnesses?

We only have a day to decide, as their waiting list is long and competitive. Last night, some well-intentioned relatives nagged us will all the reasons why this would be a bad thing to do. I was a little insulted when one of them said "You know, you have to WALK a dog."

If there are any current or former dog owners out there, I welcome your adivce. I've never had a dog. We are prepared for walking, in all weather, so don't address that. Other than the obvious, what am I in for?