Monday, September 08, 2003

Juice For Jesus
Or that's what I thought the guy passing out leaflets was saying. Having not enough time or space to deek by him and remain flyer-free, I had to accept his proffered pamphlet. "Jews for Jesus" is what it actually said, which makes even less sense. I like the idea of Juice for Jesus better. I think the Catholic Church could make a fortune on this.

Down at the bottom of my freezer I have a bottle of holy water from the River Jordan. Mr. Crabby's parents gave it to us after their trip to Israel, in the hopes that we would use it to baptize our first child. Ha! That's not going to happen. Their only hope now is that one of us needs to be exorcised at some point in the future.

So back to my divine marketing scheme. I think the church should bottle up some holy water, slap a funky label on it (I envision a picture of Jesus from South Park's Jesus vs. the Devil boxing match), and sell it for profit! People could sprinkle it in their homes, christen their sailboats, or fill up a spray gun and spritz it around when walking through bad neighbourhoods. It would treat blemishes and make a heavenly martini. After mass each week, altar boys could solicit parishioners - "Jesus Juice, get your Jesus Juice".

I'd buy it. Would you?