How to Master IKEA
The secret to an accessible, barrier-free, undisturbed, and shriek-free trip to IKEA is…. Tuesday evening. That’s the best time to go. I know this because Mr. Crabby and I went last night. I think we were in and out in twenty minutes (and $273 later). I’m pleased to say that I finally bought a Radmilla Jar for makin’ bacon.

How to Entertain Kittens
The secret to keeping kitties off the dining room table during dinner is to unfurl a new rug from IKEA onto the living room floor.

How to Make me Crabby
Mr. Crabby and I visited an attorney yesterday (pre-IKEA) to have our wills drawn up prior to my pending xyz surgical procedure. We’ve named the attorney Mumbly Joe, because I couldn’t understand a thing he said to me. By the end of our visit, I was certain that he thought I am idiot, because I asked him to repeat nearly everything he said. At times, I thought I’d heard him correctly so I answered those questions, only to be met with a quizzical gaze. “Where is your office located?” was one such question, to which I responded “Communications.” I think we’ll work by fax from here on in.

How to Make me Even Crabbier
Sugarmama, those ear plugs we were talking about don’t always work. No doubt to get even with me for having to drive to IKEA, his least favourite thing, Mr. Crabby snored me out of the bedroom last night. Then I found “For the Boys”, a great Bette Midler movie, on TV. I think I fell asleep close to four o’clock in the morning.

So, today’s tally is one rug-o’-my-dreams, a Radmilla Jar, new wine glasses, two wills, two puffy eyes, and one job interview. More on that later.