Getting Off
I saw a guy interfering with himself behind city hall yesterday. This is the second time this week that I've been amused by something that would normally upset me (the first incident being the token thief - see July 21 post, below). Oh well. They say you can't beat city hall... unless you go out back in the bushes...

Not Getting Off
"Broadview, last stop," the bus driver called for the third time, turning to glare and the woman sitting resolutely in a front seat. "I'm sick and tired of you guys short-turning. I'm not getting off," she pouts, and then I think she started crying! I, however, did get off, and I'm very curious about how things turned out for her.

Getting Off Easy
The 82 year old Kiddie Porn Pig died in prison last night. What a lucky break. No trial, no conviction, no enduring public humiliation. I'm certain he's already in The Monster Room, a dark corner of Heaven reserved for the likes of Clifford Olsen, Pol Pot, Bernardo/Holmoka et. al.

Anyway, I know that you're not here to read my witty nitty observations. Here's the Friday Five, Icy-style:

1. If your life were a movie, what would the title be?
Frosted Preserves

2. What songs would be on the soundtrack?
Independent Love Song, Someone Saved my Life Tonight, Burning Down the House, and lots from the Afro Cuban All Stars and Bueno Vista Social Club.

3. Would it be a live-action film or animated? Why?
Well, live, yes, but not too much action.

4. Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc?
Melissa Gilbert could play me. Don't groan. She's cute and has nice hair. Kate Beckinsale will play Icy, Goldberg will play Mr. Crabby, and Jada Pinkett would make a great Sister StaceyPatrick. An innovative departure from obvious casting, yes, but they're both hip and edgy and creative.

5. Describe the movie preview/trailer.
B-roll of me falling down stairs, tripping on sidewalk, spilling juice, shattering wine glasses, cutting myself shaving, burning myself on stove, with Erasure's Respect blaring.