I can see clearly now
This week's lesson: poking a pen into one's only functioning cornea may cause some inconvenience. Never mind excruciating pain (thank gawd I kept those extra Tylenol 3s). And, because I had to patch my eye so that it could heal, I had to miss out on girls' night. Damn. Icy told me there was cheap wine to be had. And, I had to go to the doctor - twice! I hate that.

Fun things to do while blind: nothing*.

Did you know that there are 12 stairs from my foyer to the second floor in my house? Did you know that the Food Network is useless and even (gasp) boring without eyesight? Did you know that A&E's shows like Cold Case Files and Biography are just as good without eyesight? Did you know it's impossible to be pretty when half your face is taped up, to keep your eye patch in place? None of those sexy black-leather-and-strap patches for me - "that's just in the movies" said Dr. Hibbert.

*I used to work for an organization that insisted "It's respectable to be blind." The hell with that! I couldn't even fasten my own bra. How respectable is that? "Honey, I dropped the remote control. Can you pick it up for me?" Pathetic. To clarify, I was pathetic. Many people who are blind are not pathetic. Many people who are blind are very motivated and successful. They probably pick up their own remotes, and can put toothpaste on their own toothbrushes all by themselves. To the many blind mountain climbers, skiers, doctors, authors, educators, and parents, the hell with you too - meant in the most benign "good for you folks" kind of way. I'm just not up to the task.

"Ow my eyes... The goggles... they do nothing..."
Place that quote and win my eternal admiration.