Thursday, May 06, 2004

Oops, another two weeks slipped by without one creative thought to share. Lots of fun stuff has happened, though: here's an update!

I've enjoyed lots of quality time with the Ice Queen and her prince. Icy re-introduced me to lentils, which I thought I disliked, but which I have been eating daily since our dinner together. Ice Prince sang some songs to me, and even showed me his tummy. I didn't show him mine.

My tummy is shrinking, happily. So are my arms, my legs, and my ass. I could re-name this blog "The incredible shrinking ass" but what's really incredible is the size that it was to begin with. Twenty-one pounds lost, 20 still to go.

I had my fortune told last week, along with Radmila. I was seated in front of a dead cockroach nestled between my forks. I was told that my marriage is wonderful, that my husband will start his dream job soon (this is actually in the works now), and that my mother-in-law is very sick and hasn't told anybody. That's just like her, dearheart that she is. The worst part of the evening was when we got the bill, and saw that I'd been charged for my martini. I guess the roach was free, not the martini.

Two days ago I caved in to my vanity and purchased an eensy teensy pot of eye cream. The twenty-nothing year old with perfect skin and nary a wrinkle told me this would be just the thing. "It's anti-gravity effect will work wonders on those wrinkles." Bitch. She got me right where it counts - in the pocketbook. The eye cream cost $35, and does nothing but make the area around my eyes look a little greasy. I tried it on my lips, and it tingled a little, but puffed them up nicely. Maybe there's value to be had afterall. Unless that was an allergic reaction.

With Mr. Crabby's emphatic disapproval, I prepped and painted our ugliest room last week. The walls were toothpaste-green, had a nasty jungle animal wallpaper border and sponged-on oak leaves in dark green paint. Oak leaves and jungle animals. Uh huh. To all users of wallpaper: leave now. Go. You are a scurge upon this earth.

Next week: the purple bathroom.